Not-Self strategy of the OPEN EGO center drives us to make all decisions and do anything necessary to prove our value to ourselves and in the eyes of others, to have “something to respect myself for = to find meaning in my life.”
Thus, we become dependent on how others evaluate us and what they think of us.
This is automatically used by others because this is what EVERYONE DOES in this Not-Self world.
It’s important to be mindful of certain phrases that we may hear frequently from even those close to us. These phrases can have a detrimental effect on our self-esteem, leading to self-criticism, self-deprecation, and ultimately disconnecting us from our True selves. The root of this issue lies in how we feel hearing these phrases – this can deepen dysfunction of defined Emotional Center or Not-Self of open Emotional Center and lead to avoiding anything unpleasant and emotional pain at all costs. In such a way we risk losing touch with our true feelings and our own truth.
By doing this to others, we do it to ourselves because with the same voice we say it to ourselves:
“THIS WILL CHANGE NOTHING” = implying “there is no point in what you do or feel.”
“SOME PEOPLE ARE IN A LESS FORTUNATE POSITION” = implying “children are starving in Africa, but you…”
“YOU COMPLICATE EVERYTHING” = implying “everybody handles everything somehow, but you…”
“BE SIMPLER” = implying “you have too high an opinion of yourself and of what you feel.”
“I’VE NEVER HAD THAT, SO IT’S A MADE-UP PROBLEM” = implying “if there’s no problem, then there’s no you.”
“YOU’D BETTER GET BUSY WITH SOMETHING, GO AND COOK, HAVE CHILDREN, START A FAMILY, EARN MONEY, ETC.”
“SHE/HE DOESN’T HAVE NORMAL RELATIONSHIPS (MEN, FAMILY, etc.)”
“SHE JUST ATTRACTS ATTENTION TO HERSELF”
“IGNORE IT, BE ABOVE THIS” = implying “stay silent, don’t express yourself, pretend you don’t feel anything, wait for it to pass by itself”
“IT WAS MUCH WORSE/HARDER FOR ME” = implying “stop whining”
How often do you allow others to devalue you?
Do you still believe in and rely on what others say about you?
And how often do you depreciate yourself?
