How can you enjoy the richness of emotional experiences and grow because of them without destroying yourself, the other, and the relationship in the fire and ice of emotional peaks?
If you have ever tried to build relationships, whether personal or professional, then you are aware that they often get stuck or fall apart in emotionally charged conflict. If you’ve gone through, just know – you are not alone. Emotional crisis is perhaps one of the most crucial issues in relationships.
The good news is that there is a way to navigate conflicts and move from crisis to progress, either by taking the relationship to another level or by exiting relationships that are no longer healthy. In any case, conflict is an opportunity for growth and development for everyone involved.
All you need to do is navigate through the storm of conflict, relying on your built-in navigation system. In Human Design, this inner GPS system is called Strategy and Inner Authority.
Yes, it may sound a bit confusing at first. Let me explain…
There are two most common approaches that the majority keep up to when making mental decisions (the approach that works actually depends on the design of the individual):
- To control your emotions, trying not to pay attention to them, which often turns into “suppress and ignore”
- To act “because I can”, on emotional impulses: in the heat of the moment – seizing, in anger – repelling and destroying.
Usually, that is exactly how it goes: when making mental decisions, people get stuck in one of these extremes, thus losing either the relationship or themselves in the relationship.
Many people find themselves entangled in emotional turmoil because they don’t fully comprehend where these feelings originate. They tend to chase pleasure, avoid pain, and search for someone or something to blame. As a result, they struggle to handle this emotional energy and grow from it.
Here’s what I propose instead:
- Discover the power of your Strategy and Inner Authority, because, in moments of conflict, relying on your mind won’t lead you in the right direction, only Strategy and Inner Authority will guide you correctly
- Determine whether your emotional system is defined (whether the Emotional Center in your chart is colored-in, or white). Half of humanity doesn’t have truth in the moment, while the other half in the Not-Self avoids this truth. That’s why it’s so challenging to confront in conflicts
If you have an open Emotional Center: When you find yourself in a heated exchange or a boiling point, remember to lean on your Strategy and Inner Authority. Stay with the discomfort until your Inner Authority gives you the signal. You’ll be pleasantly surprised to discover that you can not only endure the intensity but also appreciate the full spectrum of emotions and what they can teach you without becoming overly attached to them.
If you have a defined Emotional Center: when you’re overwhelmed, step back, and don’t take things personally. Take time to filter what this situation truly means, what discoveries these emotions provide about you, the other person, and the situation as a whole. Let the clarity come naturally rather than trying to force it.
Channeling your anger or frustration into physical activities like sports, rearranging furniture, cleaning, going for a walk, making changes in your life, and more can be a healthier way to express this energy.
Avoid engaging with others when emotions are at their peak, especially during moments of anger or intense emotional turbulence.
On the contrary, when the anger has settled, at the moment of emotional clarity it would be good to talk with the other about what you feel. It’s important to speak about yourself.
Why does namely this approach work? Because, by doing so without causing harm to yourself or the other person, you acknowledge the potential inherent in emotions – the aftermath that remains after the conflict storm. The acknowledgment of what emotional clarity brings allows some relationships to evolve, reaching higher levels of trust, sensitivity, and closeness. Meanwhile, others may naturally dissolve, making room for new possibilities.
Navigate through conflicts by directing your emotional energy not towards the other person but into physical movement. Then, from a calmer emotional space, articulate what these emotions have revealed to you. Give the other person the time and space to express their truth, and together, explore what new horizons this may unfold for your relationship.